I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
