cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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