I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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