Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How naked do you want me to be?
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