Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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