he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
