I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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