Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
