Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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