Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
