Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize