4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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