2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
