exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
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A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize