I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
