do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
