last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
