The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
