Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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