Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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