Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
