There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
