You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
