onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
