Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
