If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
