I don't think brook has ever known best
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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