im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
