he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
