Having a random hookup so left but love u
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
