RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
