please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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