I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
