I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
