i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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