Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm always down for nudity.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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