also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
