we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize