Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
thus making me awesome and them whores
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
