WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
