You can't special order awesome
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
