I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize