You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
