The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
