It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
