I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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