I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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