everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
