There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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