I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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