We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
