i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
