If i come over, it means nothing
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
