I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
