In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
