very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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