i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
