it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
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I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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