he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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