There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
