went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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