She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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