maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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