everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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