i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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