I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
