we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
