On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
