cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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