Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
