I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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