is your mom at the bar?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
