One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
