he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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