Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
