I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
